Hello Readers!
I am back after a two-week-long sabbatical from blogging. On November 27th I launched National Cancer Hero Day in the world!! If you are curious to know more about it, please check here: cancerherostories.com
It was quite the stretch to produce an event in six weeks when people plan six months ahead. Top that with pursuing an online MBA program with the Schulich School! I am not counting the daily chores and responsibilities of being a mom. What was I thinking?!
I was at a restaurant with my friend when it hit me. Her inability to see my struggle, despite my repeated attempts to communicate, was baffling. Then came the constant criticism—not constructive but the malicious, tear-you-down variety. She made everything about herself, guilt-tripped me, and left me feeling obligated—indebted, even—for help that she insisted on offering. And the cherry on top? This so-called kindness was laced with sugar-coated manipulation and love bombing. It was never about me; it was always about what was in it for her. Even though I had been married to someone with narcissistic traits, I didn’t see this one coming.
Cue the lightbulb moment: Oh no, they’re a narcissist.
First things first, let me reassure you: you’re not imagining things. Narcissistic friends exist, and they’re exhausting. The good news? You can deal with them without losing your mind (or your sense of humor).
So, grab your emotional armor, and let’s dive into some practical strategies for surviving—and thriving—with a narcissistic friend.
1. Spot the Signs (Because Denial Won’t Help)
Before you strategize, you need to confirm you’re dealing with a textbook narcissist. No, I don’t mean someone who lives more on reels for real! — that’s half the planet. I’m talking about someone who:
Has endless self-importance: They talk about their minor accomplishments like they’re celebrity!
Lacks empathy: Their emotional range? Teaspoon. You’re struggling, and they’ll hit you with a, “That’s tough,” before making it about their “tragedy.” If they give you time, there’s always a price.
Steals the spotlight: You? A supporting character in their blockbuster. They hijack your achievements, stories, and ideas.
Is a master manipulator: Gaslighting? Check. Playing the victim? Check. Guilt-tripping? Check, check, check.
If any of these rings are eerily familiar, congratulations—you’ve spotted a narcissist in their natural habitat. Beware their Jekyll-and-Hyde personality: nice in public, cruel behind closed doors. They’re control freaks who love a good power play and will stop at nothing to win.
2. Accept Who They Are (And Who They Aren’t)
Newsflash: A narcissistic friend isn’t going to morph into Gandhi because you sent them a heartfelt Brené Brown quote. They’re not wired for radical accountability or deep introspection.
Let that sink in.
It’s not your job to fix, save, or awaken them. If you try, you’ll burn yourself out faster than a candle in a wind tunnel. Accept who they are—flaws, quirks, and glaring red flags included.
The moment you stop expecting empathy or reciprocity, their behavior loses its power to frustrate you. It’s liberating.
3. Set Boundaries Like Your Life Depends on It
(Because It Kind of Does)
Boundaries are a narcissist’s kryptonite. They will push, overstep, and guilt-trip you for drawing lines. Hold firm.
How to set boundaries that stick:
Be direct: Say, “I’m not available,” or “I’m not comfortable with that.” Ambiguity fuels narcissistic manipulation.
Stick to your limits: If you say no, mean it. They’ll test you, but don’t cave.
Ditch the guilt: Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re survival tools. If they call you cold or mean, remember—they’re upset because they’re not getting their way.
Boundaries are powerful. Some narcissists fade away when they realize they can’t manipulate you anymore. Others fight back- real hard. Either way, you win if you stay as non-reactive as a rock!
4. Don’t Get Sucked into the Drama Vortex
Narcissists thrive on chaos. Drama is their lifeblood. The more you engage, the more they win.
Here’s your game plan:
Stay neutral: Don’t take sides or get emotionally invested in their latest saga.
Don’t overshare: Vulnerability is ammo in their hands. Share only what you’re okay seeing twisted.
Redirect conversations: When they spiral into a self-absorbed monologue, pivot. “That sounds tough. Anyway, what’s new with work?” works wonders.
Their drama is a burning building. You can’t save them from it, but you can choose not to jump in.
5. Protect Your Energy (Self-Care Is Non-Negotiable)
Narcissistic friends are draining. Even a quick chat can leave you feeling like you’ve run an emotional marathon.
To protect yourself:
Spend time with people who lift you up, not tear you down.
Take breaks after draining interactions. Go for a walk, journal, or scream into a pillow if you need to.
Prioritize your goals and needs. Your life matters too!
Here’s your permission slip: It’s okay to step back. Space is healthy. Sometimes a little distance resets everything.
6. Decide If They Belong in Your Life
Let’s be honest. If this friendship causes more harm than good, ask yourself: Do they really deserve a spot in my life?
Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some people are lessons—not lifelong companions. Walking away might be the healthiest choice if this friend leaves you feeling drained, doubting yourself, or questioning your worth.
Narcissistic friendships don’t end neatly. They may:
Guilt-trip you.
Turn mutual friends against you.
Reel you back with charm.
Stand firm. Your peace is priceless. Real friendships should feel good—not like a constant emotional tug-of-war.
7. Find the Humor (Because Laughter Heals)
Sometimes, narcissists are just walking contradictions. Their lack of self-awareness can border on comical. When all else fails, find the humor. Laugh at their absurdity and take comfort in the fact that you see through it.
Final Thoughts: Keep Your Power
Friendships should be a source of joy and support, not a battlefield that leaves you drained and questioning your worth. If a narcissistic friend consistently disrespects your boundaries or turns every interaction into a tug-of-war, it’s a clear sign that something needs to change.
Walking away isn’t selfish—it’s an act of self-love. You deserve relationships that nurture your soul, honor your boundaries, and allow you to thrive.
Still, letting go isn’t always easy. The guilt, the doubt, and the fear of confrontation can make it feel impossible to take that first step.
But you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re feeling stuck or unsure about how to move forward, let’s talk. Book a free 30-minute consultation with Shirin Ariff to gain clarity, build your confidence, and create a plan to reclaim your peace.
Together, we’ll help you take back control of your life and make space for the relationships you truly deserve. Take the first step today—you’re worth it.
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